My Dirty Little Secret

Everyone has their secrets. Whether it be a secret obsession, a secret crush, or a secret affair, everyone has one. Over the past few weeks, I have been exposed to how powerful a secret can be, and it's been interesting observing how individuals deal with the guilt or pleasure of dealing with these hidden pieces of information.

I am a terrible secret keeper, when it comes to my own secrets. My best friend knows everything, and trying to keep anything under wraps for more than 48 hours is near impossible for me. I've come to observe just how much power a secret can have over an individual, and I refuse to ever let any of my secrets control my decisions.

Secrecy gives everyone the belief that they are more daring and dangerous than most people see them to be. The good girls and boys are really hard core rebels who do a better job at keeping their mouth shut. I've come across numerous people who have raging secrets that vary from little white lies to full blown second lives. What I find to be the most interesting is that the "good" ones are usually the ones with the most to hide. No one is as shocked when the one with the reputation is outed for one of their not-so-secret secrets.

Are the rebels just more honest with themselves?

I think that the people without the secrets are the most courageous and dangerous. They are willing to put their repuations out on the line strictly to be both honest and real with their situations. The guy that just admitted to cheating on his girlfriend is much more a man than the one that countinues to live in secrecy. They're both assholes, but one refuses to be controlled by his secret, while the other coward becomes whisked away by his.

I think this derives by everyone's thirst and desire to be dangerous and daring. It's their way of living outside the norms that most expect to them. It gives them just the right thirst of adventure, but allows them to avoid the consquences. Some usually crumble under the pressure, but the really good ones take that shit to the grave.

What I've found to be most interesting lately is how different people deal with secrecy.

We've all heard of the "mysterious" type of person. They're smooth, suave, and we're all itching to know what they've got buried deep down in there. You hear the rumors about them, as everyone attempts to unveil their true character, but no one ever knows for certain. Those kinds of people are able to keep their mouth shut under all situations, and not even numerous shots of tequilla could make them slip up. And it got me thinking, are these people as contained on the inside as they are perceived, or are they screaming for everyone to know what is going on in their mysterious world.

I think all of us have an underlying desire for our secrets to be revealed. Whether it be out of guilt, pleasure, or the desire to shock the non-beleivers. Secrets are more powerful than most people beleive, and sometimes the hidden pieces of information soon drive you crazy. You become more obssessed with your secret than you do keeping it a secret. You're sudden desire to hide away your flaws turns against you.

So I think everyone needs to take a look at what their hiding and figure out why it's so hidden. Are we afraid of the consquences or are we afraid that being outed would take away our only thread of excitment. Just be careful becuase that secret that you've been trying so hard to control, might soon be controlling you.

Karma's a Real Bitch

I was never a beleiver in karma. I thought it was just what people used as justification for their actions. But lately, there have been too many events that seem to be coming back to bite me in the ass.

I noticed karma's first swing at me the day after I slept with my ex-boyfrind after one drunken mess of a night. I knew that he was with a new girl, but I didn't think that would ever affect me. How wrong was I.

The next day I had the worst hangover that involved multiple trips to the bathroom, missed my Italian class, got pulled over, broke down on the side of the highway, and managed to fall down an entire flight of stairs in my dorm hall. Now this could have been just labeled as a bad day, however, I couldn't help but thinking maybe my actions from the night before contributed to this domino effect.

Still the skeptic, I countinued to get myself into trouble not believing that there would be any consequences. But it wasn't until yesterday that I truely became a beleiver.

My best friend has been getting into a little trouble with a married man, nothing serious, but they've had their innocent rendezvous. I myself have also been attempting to get with a taken man, so between the both of us, there is a lot of karma built up.

So yesterday on my way to an important meeting, my car breaks down. I couldn't beleive this was happening to me. I called my best friend to come pick me up and like a good person she gladly rolled out of bed and came to rescue me! If the car breaking down wasn't bad enough, my phone dies and I can't tell my insurance company the hell I am. As my best friend bares with the multiple phone calls and rude agents, we finally find a tow place. Now in the meantime we are unaware that her car battery is slowly dying, and then we both find ourselves stuck in the middle of the road with no one to help.

Bad luck, or just bad karma?

Sometimes I beleive that no amount of karma can ever repay the damages I've created for myself and others, but so far she seems to be keeping up quite nicely.

The Closet Slut

In the very few conversations I choose to have with my FBs, one actually said something to me that sparked my attention. In a casual conversation with my best friend he mentioned that I  was a "closet slut", and further went on to explain how that was actually a compliment. Now in my world, being called any variation of a "slut" doesn't deserve a thank you, but I guess it did in Kyle's eyes

Now let me attempt to break down what the definition of a closet slut is: someone who is not going to sleep around with any man she sees, and gives off the impression that she is innocent. However,  "when she gets her hands on someone, she unleashes on him".

I couldn't help but laugh a little at his explaination for the hint of truth to it all. I guess I have to respect his honesty and take into account that he first hand expirienced my "unleashing", but a pang of confusion still clinged on.

Do all men look for a closet slut?

I mean, even Kyle went on to say that it is not a bad thing to be one. Is it the best of both worlds? Do men want a girl that is sweet and coy on the outside, but a raging vixen on the inside?

The even more interesting thing is that he refered to my best friend as "the closet" to my "slutiness". She was the one holding me back from just waving my sex drive for any man to pick up. She kept me grounded and locked down. I guess I owe her a big thank you or else my title would have been missing the "closet" portion of it, and that definiely can't be overseen as a compliment

So is being a closet slut a bad thing?

I guess ss long as you have a sturdy closet with some tough hinges, you can get away with it quite easily

Myth: The Friendly Ex

I want to start off this post by establishing that it is NOT impossible to be great friends with an ex lover. I envy the women that are able to look past all the stupid shit and actual have a long-term civil relationship with an ex lover. However, I think I speak for the rest of us women when I say that being "just" friends with an ex sounds more like an urban myth.

It has been back and forth between friendly encounters and absolute loathing with my ex after the split 6 months ago. We've gone from complete enemies, to friendly acquantinces, to scorned ex-lovers, and finally ending with one drunken mistake at the cheap motel down the street. It would be an understatement to say that our relationship post-break up was much more rocky than the three years together.

One of the major issues I find in keeping a stable, healthy relationship with an ex is sharing mutal friends. When you are together for a long time you start to find yourself surronded by the same group of people. You begin to lose your individual identiy and soon become an "and", such as Tim AND Ann, or Michael AND Rachel. Now that you've split, your friends begin to feel just as akward as you feel flying solo. Regardless of what you tell youself, sides will be taken and loyalty will be tested. What sucks even more than losing a lover? Losing your friends as well.

May our generation forever be scorned by the power of technology, especially that dreaded social network that allows stalking to be both legal and secretive. You know as soon as you change that relationship status on FB you're going to be bombarded with "keep your head up" comments, and likes by creepy guys who you don't even know. But after the inital shock is broadcasted all over the web, the stalking begins. I wonder if he posted any depressing song lyrics? Who's that girl that liked his new profile picture? Did that asshole really delete me off his friends list? It is hard to determine what's worse, having full access of his updated single life, or dealing with the rejection that you aren't even good enough to be a social media contact.

The final thing I find most difficult when dealing with an ex who wants to be friends is dealing with the fact that they only want to be friends. If the wounds are truely healed, then there is no problem going to dinner or listening to him talk about his new realtionship. However, I find myself wishing that maybe he will pick up the tab one last time, or lean over and hold my hand in his truck. But being in the "friend zone" means that your paying for your own shit and you better be contributing to some gas money. You can both put on fronts that there are no longer any romantic feelings towards one another, but when the "new ones" come into conversation, it can be difficult to determine whether you really can be friends. If you can sit there are listen about how great Thanksgiving was at Kimberly's house, and how her family is so nice, and how her mother loves him, then maybe you can be friends. But if all you can think about is how you can't beleive he is meeting the family so soon, that you hate Thanksgiving, and how your mom was so much cooler, I think you need to let the wounds heal more

So my advice to anyone who ever wants to become friends with an ex is to wait. Don't push the friendship thing at first, because trust me, it will not work! You both need time to heal and recoup. I suggest that after a breakup you call up all your girlfriends, go out and get a dress he would have yelled at you for wearing, and get out there. Sometimes the best remedies for heartache include good friends, great memories, and some strong shots!

Being the Other Woman

Alright here comes some touchy shit. The majority of people with any morals obviously knows that cheating is the number one no-no of any commited relationship. But most of these people have never been on the other side of the fence.

I dated a guy for three years and was 100% faithful for all 3 years, as was he. I was anti-cheating, and still countinue to be. I beleive that each relationship stands on its own and it's ultimatly the individuals choice on whether they want to remain honest and faithful in a relationship.

However, all rules are off when you become the "other" woman.

Now I slept with a man who was at the time in a 5 year relationship, with a baby on the way. Now before I receive the hate mail and death threats I want to clarify that I did not know a baby was involoved. I only knew about the girlfriend. And I am in no way trying to justify the situation, and to be quite honest, even if I had known, I probally would have caved in to his charm and end up sleeping with the guy anyway.

He was the perfect bad boy. Older, tatoos all over his body, a solid police record, and traded in his truck for a speed bike. Now if you are anything like me when it comes to men, you would be a superhero to not be drawn to this testosterone oozing beast.

So, as predicted, I soon found myself as the "other" woman. Everything I had previously held as ethical and moral was thrown to shit. But I learned about myself through the process.

I felt no guilt, no regret,and no shame for my actions. And I know this makes me a shitty person, but it also allows me to be honest with myself. I'm not going to sit there and fake sympathy for the pregnant girlfriend, simply because it was not, and countinues not to be my issue to deal with. I never attempted to suduce the man, and I definietly did not make the first move. Everything began and ended with the man in the middle.

Do I see myself as a homewrecker? Absolutely not

I think women tend to blame the "other" woman, simply because they have no one else to blame. Maybe men wouldn't be out there cheating if we women appreciated them a little more. I heard on the radio that most men cheat due to lack of emotional attachment, not physical. A poor sex life is no excuse for a man running away from a relationship, because sex is so simple, just take your clothes off! But trust me, the last thing I'm trying to say is that its the faithful women's fault. It's not you! It's him!

I think way too many women blame themselves if they aren't out there blaming the homewrecker. Your man is a fucking asshole! As soon as you accept that, the sooner you can begin to hate his fucking guts. I truely beleive that men do not cheat on women they love, and I'm kind of a hopeless romantic (and you can stop the eyerolling and looks of disbelief now). But I honestly think it's extreamly easy to remain faithful in a relationship. If anyone is willing to risk getting caught in an affair, it means that they aren't afraid to watch the relationship fail.

So I think women need to stop blaming themselves for a man cheating, and stop blaming the "other" woman for interfering. After being on both sides of the fence, it really comes down to the cheaters fault. So women, lets call a truce on the women vs women fued and open our eyes to what is really happening out there.

Coworkers With Benefits

We've all heard the horror stories about dating in the workplace, and we've all heard how emotionally difficult it is to be "friends with benefits". However, what happens when the two biggest no-nos in relationships come together?

The perfect situation.

There is a rare breed of women out there that are able to have casual sex with men and have absolute zero emotional connection. So having casual sex with a coworker takes an even more unempathetic woman, and that's where I find myself. Even my best friend couldn't keep me away from my natural tendency to sleep with any man I find attractive, even if it means I would countinusly run into this man five days a week.

But something funny happened, we actually became friends. I think it worked out for the best. We both are extreamly sexual beings and getting all the sexual tension out of the way first actually allowed a friednship to be more genuine. Yeah we still hook up whenever the two of us are feeling a little lonley, but pillow talk seems to be geared toward ex venting, work gossip, and basically anything you would talk about over a cup of coffee. Basically I'm getting the best of both worlds. I have a reliable booty call who is also going to give me advice on how to score the hottie down the hall.

The best part about it all is neither of us needs to worry about any emotional attachment to each other. It honestly is just about the sex! I think he is too shallow, has ADHD, and way too concieted to ever date , and he would rather sit down and watch Burn Notice with me than take me out in public. I enjoy working with him and the sexual innuendos are always fun to tease clueless coworkers with.

So I say screw the rumors about sleeping with coworker or the best friend, and instead just start screwing them both!